Seated Wide Legged Straddle

Seated Wide Legged Straddle

1. From Twilight: New Moon Pose, open the legs out as wide as is comfortable.

2. Keep the thigh muscles engaged and the hair swooped to the left.

3. Tuck the junk carefully between the legs, a bulge might ruin the effect.

4. Press the legs down into the floor, and cry.

Entry Level: If the striped tights are too loose, shave the legs and paint them.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Goddess Pose

Goddess Pose

1. From Virginia Woolf Pose – Baddha Konasana, lean backward, placing your hand in the pocket of the 90′s mom-jeans.

2. Snarl gently while lowering the elbows all the way to the floor.

3. Don’t tell the knitting circle you bought this necklace off Etsy.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Little Thunderbolt Pose

Little Thunderbolt Pose

1. Come to stand with the Pabst perpendicular to the floor.

2. With your hand on the cigarette, drop the head back and shake the hair.

3. Find the Bodhi to your Utah; oversized headphones make a great fashion accessory.

4. Repeat step 2. Perfect hair often requires multiple attempts.

Entry Level: This is an intense outfit and should only be attempted if you follow M.I.A. on Twitter.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Upward Facing Dog

Upward Facing Dog

1. Come forward over the toes without letting the mustache touch the floor.

2. Keep the scarf engaged. The gaze is nonchalant, and slightly to the left.

3. Place potato in the pants, pick up “straight” boys.

4. Too lazy to shave legs, call yourself a feminist.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Reverse Warrior Pose

Reverse Warrior Pose

1. From Kneeling Warrior II, bring the rear hand down the back of the Chuck Norris beard.

2. Bring the front arm up next to your mooseknuckle.

3. Keep the front knee bent and directly over the chest-tat.

4. Henna tattoo means you can be a new tiger every month.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Bird of Paradise Pose

Bird of Paradise Pose

1. Begin in extended trust-fund pose.

2. Sniff the cocaine.

3. Begin dance moves: turn the gaze to the floor, shift your weight onto the free leg.

4. Shave patches into beard, pick up women in their 20′s.

5. Repeat step 2.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Half Lord of the Fishes Pose

Half Lord of the Fishes Pose

1. From Staff Pose – Dandasana, bring the sole of your right Chuck Taylor to the floor outside the left skinny jean.

2. Inhale and bring the right arm up near the square glasses.

3. Exhale and twist the right arm, bringing the right hand up to wax the mustache.

4. On each inhale, draw the spine long, and on each exhale, curl the mustache.

5. Ignore the court order and continue stalking that girl you had a one-night stand with 3 years ago.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Mountain Pose

Mountain Pose

1. Lift up your mustache and let it fan out, creating a wide solid base.

2. Take a deep breath, place the razor in your right hand, and shave the chest.

3. Avoid the nipples.

4. Tone the belly, drawing it in slightly.

It may seem like you are just standing there, but picking up chicks at Coachella is hard work.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

Warrior Pose II

Warrior Pose II

1. Keep the right knee bent and the pack of Winstons parallel to the floor.

2. Draw the belly in slightly and contemplate the next line of poetry.

3. Reach out through both finger tips, the gaze is forward over the right hand.

4. Eat vegan because it’s safe to animals but smoke cigarettes around everyone.

Adapted instructions from about.com.

King Dancer Pose

King Dancer Pose

1. Shift your weight onto the right leg.

2. Use $15 Casio keyboard because bad sound is good.

3. Bend the left knee and grasp the inside of the left earmuff with the left hand.

4. Bring the right arm up toward the ceiling as you flip scarf over left shoulder.

5. Put stamps on hand and tell friends that you went to a bunch of awesome shows.

6. Repeat on the other side with different colored earmuffs (optional).

Adapted instructions from about.com.